The post I’ll never need to post, by Jessica Horton nee Disteldorf
Hello all,
On one hand, I don’t want to write this post because it’s morbid and silly to. On the other hand, life is unpredictable, and if things do go not according to plan, I want to have said all that I will say here. Jason knows it’s here, and will post it if necessary.
I am twenty-four, and happy. There are many people who will never be able to say that, regardless of how old they are. I had a blissful childhood, with loving parents, wonderful siblings who I squabbled with and made up with, lots of excitement, lots of change, lots of learning, lots of opportunities and the security of knowing that I have a strong, loving family who will always be there.
Since leaving childhood, my school and university years (the learning years) have been full of great friends, happy memories and lots of learning about the beautiful world that we live in.
I’ve had a great couple of years starting out in my career. I’m enjoying putting my skills to use, working out what I’m good at and what I could improve, and what it is I truly want to do with my life.
I have the love of a truly wonderful man, a man I am proud to call my husband. The blessing and the joy that he has brought to my life was unexpected, but has made me happier than I ever thought possible. We have so many plans for the things that we would like to do as we embark on our lives together.
I have a wonderful future ahead that I look forward to with great happiness – and the anticipation and looking forward to something is usually just as good, if not better, than the actual event itself.
So I am happy. We all die at some point, and I am happy with the life I’ve lived, the things I have accomplished and the things I’ve done. I’m also grateful for the wonderful world that I’ve lived in, grateful for the people who have come into my life, and grateful for the things I’ve learnt. Above all, I’m happy and grateful for all the people in my life who I love and who love me.
My mother, my role model, my support, my kindred spirit, my friend. Mama, you are the sort of mother that every woman should aspire to be. You have always been there, and I know that you always will be. Not everyone can say that their mother also became their best friend, but I can. Be happy Mama, embrace and accept all that life has to offer you – you deserve so much happiness. You have certainly given me so much throughout my life. I love you.
Daddy, thank you for such an unconventional childhood of travel! I learnt so much that many people never learn – how big the world is, how much it has to offer. It has a lot to do with who I am today, and I’m very grateful that you have never done the ‘conventional’ thing. I’m also glad that I got to spend the last few years with you here in Australia. I love you Daddy.
Dave, I’m so glad you came into our lives. Thank you for making Mama so happy. The two of you have such an inspiring and happy relationship – you understand that is the simple pleasurable things in life that create happiness. I wish you all that happiness. I love you.
Beata, je suis tellement heureuse de t’avoir comme belle-mère. J’ai beaucoup de bonnes memoires de tout ce qu’on a fait ensemble – les puzzles avec After Eights, le gym, les cafés à Gloria Jean! Sois heureuse – tu la mérites . N’oublie pas que le success (et le bonheur) et un voyage, pas une destination! Je t’aime.
Ben, we were very close as children and then drifted in different directions throughout our teen years. Lately though, we’ve worked out that it doesn’t matter how different we are, we still love each other very much. I’m been so happy that we’ve managed to renew our relationship. I hope that you find great happiness in your life. Be true to yourself. I love you so much.
Timmy, my Baby. You’ve grown up so much in the past few years, and you’ll continue to grow! But you’ll always be my baby Timmy, and I’ll always love you. You have such a loving nature Timmy, and I look forward to seeing you grow and change and develop into the wonderful man I know you’ll be. I love you.
Sophie baby. I don’t know what life holds for you, but I hope you’ll always be the happy laughing crazy girl that I know you as now. I hope you’ll always hear about your big sister who loves you so much. Luvou. [Blat - hand on chest.]
Amy – my soul sister and best friend. We took a gamble on Maybelline that day but look how much it paid off. You have been my best friend for the past ten years – I have been so blessed to have you. I hope that you find all the happiness in this world that you deserve, and all the happiness that you have given to me. The DnMs in the car at various lookouts, the nights out – getting ready to RnB, the serious dodgy people we always seem to encounter – the media tarting, the champagne. You’ve always been there, Amy, and I will always be there for you. I love you so much. Be well and happy.
My family – Auntie Annette, Erin and Big Sophie; Auntie Anne, Uncle Paul and Lucas; Auntie Ro, Uncle Peter, Sharnee and Milly; Sharyn, Bill, Kody, Riley and Sheldyn; and my beloved grandparents – Nana and Grandma and Grandpa. I’ve always felt so blessed to have such a big family who loves me so much, and whom I love so much. Thank you for being there when I’ve needed you. Thank you for being in my life and helping it to make it the happy life that it has been. I wish you all great love and happiness, as much as there has been in my life. I love you all so much.
My friends – those people who come into your life and make it a happier place to live. Thank you for choosing to love me, and thank you for being the people that I choose to love! My friends from school, from uni, from chess, from work, from wherever – thank you. Shae, Troy, Debbie, Adam, Etienne, Richelle, Katherine and all my friends from school – I love you. Jacqui and Tam, and all the other people from uni and college – thank you for some of the most fun years! Jacqui, my soul-sister. It has been so good to spend these last years with you in Sydney – you truly are a great friend. Nik, Reg, Jacob, Konrad, Michael and all the rest of the chess crew – I wish you all the greatest happiness. Thanks so much for being there last time I went through this journey. Jonathan – who did the journey by my side. Thanks for understanding what it’s like. Live, love and apply all the lessons we learnt! Brad, my soul-brother. I’m so glad I answered your email, life did us a big favour when it through us together. We had such a quick connection and I’m so blessed to have met you. I know that you’ll find great peace and happiness in this life. All my work friends and fellow graduates – thanks for a great year! A special thank you to Rachel and Michael, and all the Packages team for being such wonderful friends as well as colleagues. And Richard, for the good times we did share – and there were many. Be well, be happy.
My beautiful Ms Emily-child. You have brought such light and life to my world and I am so grateful that you came into my life. May your life be blessed and full of love.
Jason, my love. I need a lifetime to say all I would like to say and wish more than anything that I had one to spend with you. The improbability of meeting you when I did is something I thank God for every day. The time I have spent with you has been the happiest of my life. I am, and will always be, your wife, and I am so proud to call myself so. You are a wonderful, strong, loving man, a good man, and one that I am proud and blessed to call my husband. I love you more than words will ever say, and I will do so forever. Thank you.
So I guess I’ve started a new leg of my journey, one that you can’t follow me on yet. But I have been so happy throughout my life – and that’s because of you, the people in my life. Thank you for being a part of my life, and I’m so blessed to be a part of yours.
Happiness comes from thinking about all that we do have, and that unhappiness comes from thinking about all the things that we do not. Appreciate, as I have, all the wonderful things that life has given us, especially the wonderful people who share our lives.
Remember that happiness is a journey, not a destination.
So I leave you now. As you mourn for me, please also celebrate my life – the miracle that was a life of love and happiness. I wish you the same for your lives.
I love you.
Jess/Jessie
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April 3rd, 2008 at 8:52 am
I too read Jess’s story in thats life and am now sitting here with tears in my eyes. To her family i wish a world full of strength. You had an amazing girl there by the sounds of it, her stories have inspired me to be greatful for my life and surroundings. May you all have peace in your hearts as Jess is now at peace with god. Blessings to you all
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:20 pm
To Jason and Jess’s family,
Jess was truly an inspiration. Her courage was amazing. I read her story in “Thats Life” and straight away wrote to her, not realizing she had already passed on. I lost my beautiful son at the age of 19, three years ago. But I feel he is with me in everything I do, giving me strength and guidance all the time. Jess will be with you all the time, in your hearts forever. Be gentle with yourselves and celebrate the good times you had with her.
With much love, Jenni
April 4th, 2008 at 12:46 am
I too read Jess’s story in Thats Life I want to thank her and Jason for sharing their story with us She was truly a beautiful person my heart goes out to her family and friends how truly blessed you are to have had her in your lives
April 4th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Hi Jason and family
My heartfelt love and condolences goes out to you and jess’s family and friends. You all have been through hell watching someone you love coping with such a challenge. I have lost friends and family in my life through cancer; a nine year old, 32 year old, 52 year old and many more. Each seemed to have possessed a strength and courage that we can not imagine – all are sadly missed and loved so deeply. I believe they have completed out their lessons on this earth and given something wonderful to someone and it is their time to ‘go home’ to a more wonderful ‘house and place’. I like to think they have not left but are just ‘upstairs’ and have the ability to look over us and still love us and enjoy all our wonderful moments and accomplishments on this earth. Be strong Jason and family… Jess was a wonderful brave human being and although she more than likely would not have picked her pathway she faced it with courage, bravery and strength and passed on lessons and her personal experiences she learnt through her battle to not only her friends and family but had the generosity to pass on her experiences to strangers like myself. She is truly an angel in Heaven and will forever look after you all. Take care…xxooxx Tracey, Christchurch, New Zealand.
April 5th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
To Jason & Jess’s family
I have just finished reading Jess’s story in ‘Thats Life’ & like a previous writer came onto the site unaware that Jess had passed on What a wonderful brave courageous person Jess was She mentioned something in the article she had said in one of her speeches something that bought tears to my eyes “Its not about who can live the longest it’s about what we achieve in the time we have’ how very true
A beautiful person at peace
Treasured memories forever
Take Care God Bless
Christine – Whangarei – New Zealand
April 5th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Dear Jason and all of Jess’ Loved Ones, My heart goes out to you at such a difficult time, when you lose a special person in your lives.
What can anyone say at a time like this! Look after yourselves and make the most of your lives as I am sure this is what Jess would like you to do!
Take care, my thoughts are with you all.
April 6th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Jason and Jessica’s family. Like everyone above i to have just finished reading jessica’s article in “Thats life”
My thoughts are with you at such a tuff time. She sounded like such a beautiful person and was so lucky to have such a loving family. Her story truley has made me stop and think how presious life really is. What a brave young girl.My thoughts are with you all.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Hi Jason and Jess’ family,
I learned from a friend the other day that Jess had passed away and was devastated to hear that she was gone. I went to St. John’s College with her and we were close friends, but fell out of contact soon after her diagnosis.
I remember so many wonderful things about Jess. The day I first met her was our orientation day at College. We lived across the hall from each other and as soon as I had settled in she came into my room with a wine for us both, sat on my bed and introduced herself. She had this wonderful aura about her and she was so giving of herself and knew how to make others feel at ease. We had so many great times together in 2000 and 2001.
She always spoke of her family with such love and I knew how much she missed you all back in Mackay. You could tell that she always carried all of you close to her heart.
She was a brilliant girl (any chess player could tell you that) and worked so diligently at her studies, but she knew how to have a wonderful time and we certainly did at College. I am sad that we fell out of touch over the years.
I am thinking of you all and sending you my prayers.
Hayley, Brisbane
April 9th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Dear Jessica and jason,
I am sorry to hear about Jessica’s passing, i went to school with Jessica at north mackay high , we werent big friends , and we didnt hang out together, but we were in some classes together and i remember she was well liked and shes a lovely girl. i read that jessica passed away and i cried for a little while, to hear a lovely young woman so young, so full of life could you just pass away.
im sure shes looking down on you and your family and smiling…
take care
cassie
April 10th, 2008 at 1:27 am
i would like to send my condolences to jason.i have tears in my eyes as i write this . i lost my dear husband to cancer last october and i know how hard it is to move on .i will be thinking of you .jess must have been a beautiful and brave person. i hope she is at peace now .my prayers are with all of the family . love jenny, cessnock
April 11th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
First of all i would like to offer my deep condolences to Jason and Jessie’s family. God bless you. What a brave and wonderful woman. May she rest in peace. May her Spirit live in each and every one of us.
April 11th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Dear Jess and significant others,
Your words and actions have touched so many. You’ve managed to show nothing but grace, courage, strength and solidarity in the face of this. Thank you for inspiring others along the way and for providing hope.
Jason & Emily: I send/wish you both all the best wishes possible in this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your stories with us & for allowing Jess to touch our lives too.
Much Love – Lisa
April 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Dear Jason and all of Jess’s family and friends.
What a brave young lady. I also read her story in “Thats Life” and brought tears to my eyes to here that she had passed on. She had touched the hearts of so many people and also mine. My heart felt condolences to Jason and her family. May she rest in peace.
Love Krista.
April 13th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
To dear Jason, Emily & Jess’s family.
I am so sorry to read about the very sad loss of Jess in this weeks (issue 16-april 16) That’s Life! My sincere condolences go out to you all, especially as she was so young to be taken away from you. She must of been a truly inspiring young woman in her short life & for that will never be forgotten but always remembered for being such an ispiration to others. She will always be watching over you all forever, until you all meet with her again. Hold your chins up high for having such a great person in your lives!! Once again i am truly sorry for your loss.
Kylie-Ballarat, Vic
April 13th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
I have been so touched by Jess story especially the fact that she knew iswas going to die yet faced it with such happiness and peace of mind wish is a rare thing for most people. One thing i read from her last letter is that she had faith in God and knew that they is hope beyond the grave when we put our lives in God’s hand and that is the reason behind her composure. The encouragement for all us to let God have a place in ourlives then we need not fear coz there is hope beyond the grave.
April 14th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
w ehave all been so touched by jess’s wonderful life remeber watching her a few yrs ago on australian story how much she touched our lives then and she has deff done this tonite again ….. im so glad we have been able to share the very private part of jess’s life and what has happened to her Many Thanks god bless u all xxx julie from bundaberg
April 14th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Jess,
After trying to come to terms with your saddening story by watching Australian Story tonight whereby your story was featured, I am deeply empathetic to your true love Jason and all those you touched in the short life you were given.
In 30 minutes, ABC really portrayed a magnificent diary of which you should be proud of wherever you are today.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
I have just watched Jess’ story and it reminded me so much of the path I walked 18 years ago, as a 23yr old, when my husband died of cancer. To Jason I say I understand you choosing Jess, loving her and now missing her. Just know that her memory will never die, she will always be part of you, she will continue to impact people. To Jess’ family and Jason – I encourage you to stick together in the years to come. I still see my in-laws and love them dearly. Grieve for Jess but also live for her. Let your lives reflect her hopes & dreams. May God be with you in the days, months and years to come. May he strengthen and comfort you at this time. God Bless.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I too read Jess’ story in That’s Life and just tonight I watched her story on The Australian Story, Channel 2. I have tears in my eyes and I don’t know why, she was happier and more loved than anyone I know. My heart goes out to all she left behind, but they are truly blessed to have known and loved her.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
A truly sad yet inspirational story. I just watched Australian Story and waw unaware of Jess’s story. Jason it seems you were fortunate to meet such a wonderful young lady and indeed she was lucky to find you. It’s such a cliche but I watched this with tears thinking how important it is to tell everyone what you feel and do what you need to do…it’s all far too fickle and who knows what’s around the corner. I’ve seen an insight into what seems to be an amazing woman and I hope your flame burns bright.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
A truly sad yet inspirational story . I just watched the ABC and was unaware of Jess’s story. Jason it seems you were fortunate to meet such a wonderful young lady and indeed she was lucky to find you. It’s such a cliche but I watched this with tears thinking how important it is to tell everyone what you feel and do what you need to do…it’s all far too fickle and who knows what’s around the corner. I’ve seen an insight into what seems to be an amazing woman and I hope your flame burns bright.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
You could tell from the first Australian story 9 years ago that Jess was something special, she will always be like that in our minds and hearts.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
Thank you Jess. We all die one day. I really feel that it is important how we live, rather than how long we live.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Hi,
My name is Jasmin Frusch im 12 years of ages and i have just watch Australian story, i was very touched and moved by the story line. I couldn’t imagen and still can’t picture how i would deal with this situation. Recentley one of my younger family friends passed away due to cancer,it was hard to deal with so i can only imgen how you feel! You are very lucky to have known such a stronge and special person.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Thank you Jessica, you will always be a shining star in my eyes.
Fly free and be happy always.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Wow i did not know i was living in a city with such an inspirational women! I watched the Australian story tonight with tears, and my heart goes out to Jess’s family. Jess seemed to be an amazing women who had courage, hope and an ever after passion for living.
May all of us have a pinch of Jess’s passion, and may she live on in you Jason and her family.
Thank you Jessica for warming my heart, may you always be free.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Tonight I have sat in tears and watched “Australian Story”…what a beautiful, amazing young lady. I came straight to her website and read her lovely letter. I feel so sad for you Jason and for Jess’ family, but be happy that you have been able to share and be such an important part of her life. You must be so proud of the courage she showed as she bravely fought this dreadful disease…but I feel she was so strong because of the happiness and love and support you all brought to her life. Be grateful for all your beautiful loving memories of this very special lady…and thank you so much for allowing us to share Jess’ story. I am so glad that she has touched my life. Take special care of each other and know that your sad loss is felt by so many.
April 14th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Thank you Jason and Jessica for your bravery in making this website, my girlfriend has cancer throughout her body, and has 3 children, she is just 33, Jessica’s attitude and the information on this sight, will help all of us involved in her journey, thank you for this wonderful gift, and Jason may you go from strength to strength.
Wise & Blessed Be
April 14th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
I have just watched Australian Story, I must say its one of the most saddest episodes Ive seen. Jessica was such a strong young lady that wanted to live a long happy life, however unfortunately we dont get a choice in this life. God is ready for each and every one of us and when he chooses a flower from his garden we have no choice but to go and join him. He has taken several members of our family and they will be united in heaven together forever. My condolences to you Jason and Jess’ parents and friends. You have been blessed to have known Jess.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
WOW,
I have just seen Jess and jasons Story on the ABC. What an amazing woman and jason what an amazing man! I cried for your loss and hope that your all ok.
Losing a loved one at any time in our lifes always feels like such a hole in our hearts and we are told there is a silver lining to evey dark cloud and some times that lining is hard to see. But one day with time it will be clear and you will miss her more but you will always have her momories deep in your soul.
Jason, may you know how strong and courages you are. What a wonderful Husband you were to jess. She loved you with every inch of her being.You could see it!
May you be strong for each other now and know that there are many Australians tonight thinking of you all.
Rebecca.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I cried. I wish I had half of the guts and strength of character in this message alone, let alone in the rest of Jessica’s life story.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Dear loved ones of Jess. I extend my condolences in your time of grief. I too had the privilege to observe just a small part of the life of Jess on Australian Story. What a smile. What courage. What insight. Jess’s wisdom and ability to articulate her feelings and thoughts floored me. Thankyou Jess, thankyou for your generousity in sharing yourself so beautifully, with such grace and strength.
I walk taller tonight. I reflect on my own life and am reminded how random this life on earth can be. Just stop, reflect, enjoy, live, breath and take joy in this journey. Some aren’t given the of opportunity of time. I am richer for observing just a snippet of the life of this courageous woman.
Thankyou for sharing her so candidly and without restraint.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:35 pm
I just watched jess’s story on the ABC and was reduced to tears. What a wonderful, inspirational person who lead such a happy fulfilling life. I’d like you thank her for sharing her amazing story which I’m sure has touched so many people.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I just watched Australian Story and cried and cried. My own sisters story was so similar it took me back to that time. She was diagnosed with incurable liver cancer at age 25 and married the love of her life 2 months before she passed away at age 25. I am so grateful to the man who married her as he was a pillar of strength to her as Jason was. All she ever wanted was to get married and have her own little home. He gave her that and made her so incredibly happy. Thankyou for sharing your story. It meant so much to me.
April 14th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I have just seen australian story. Talk about confronting! I was orphaned and before my mother died, witnessed her moaning and groaning as she was suffering chronic emphysema. This changed my life forever. Seeing this story is a stark reminder of our mortality and the importance of acknowledging the spiritual aspects of life. Each person has to work out what that means for them. Anyway truly inspirational and I extend my sincere sympathy to her family. Thanks for opening up your lives for us to see what you have experienced in such raw honesty. All the best
April 14th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Having just watched Australian Story, I was completely blown away by the strength that Jess showed throughout her harrowing journey and amazing courage she had which no doubt helped her loved ones through the journey with her.
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us, you have touched our lives forever.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Dear Jess’s and John’s families and friends
Like many others I have just finished watching Australian story. I wanted to say what a magnificent person Jess was, and still is. People search the world to be happy and can take a life time to do it. Jess showed an amazing awareness of what it truly means to be a person and what is truly important, well beyond her years. Jess’s beliefs on marriage, life and family to be something that everyone who hears her story should remember.
Thankyou for sharing your story with us Jess, Jason , their families and friends.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
To all who loved Jess, I’m so sorry for your deep sadness and heartfelt loss of a courageous, beautiful and wonderful young woman.
I remember being inspired by the Gallipoli story six years ago on Australian Story, and was moved to tears tonight.
Jess’s life has shown me how complacent I have become since moving into remission from NH Lymphoma at the end of 2006. Jess’s courage has moved me to thank the Lord for every new day.
God bless you all…. Jo Mayled, Port Hedland WA
April 14th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
One of the most beautiful smiles I have ever seen. I hope I am half as courageous throughout my life as this amazing woman. Cried bucketloads.
April 14th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Dear Jess and Jason
I have just watched Australian Story.
I feel privileged to have shared a small part of your story. What an inspiration you are to us all.
Its been said before that it’s not how long we live, but what we do with the time we have, and you certainly made the most of your 25 years. I thank you for sharing your life with me via Australian Story and your website, I feel sure you will continue to bring joy to all around you wherever you are.
Love, light and Joy, Gary
April 15th, 2008 at 12:39 am
I have just seen Australian Story, I can hardly type for the tears in my eyes. I too have terminal cancer, maybe I can say more later
April 15th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Like everyone above I’ve just watched Australian Story. Jessica is such a lovely person. Just in that short time she has given me so much strength to help me through my battle with cancer.
May God Bless all of Jessica’s, family and friends.
April 15th, 2008 at 2:09 am
I too watched Australian Story earlier tonight & was very touched by Jess’s courage & her love for her Husband & family. She was truly an exceptional young lady.
To Jason & all of Jess’s family .. my deepest sympathy on your sad loss & always remember the happy memories.
God Bless you all xo
April 15th, 2008 at 4:23 am
At the age of 66, and in remission with ovarian cancer, yet just diagnosed with stage 2 melanoma, I was inspired by this 25 year old’s love of life regardless of the odds. So many very young people who can’t have their way of life blamed on their cancers, by smoking, drinking, drugs. Why is cancer killing so many people? – Not the old, who had lived a life like myself, but the young and the very young?
Jess never said it on camera, but I wanted to cry out and say, no not another beautiful young life snuffed out! If there is a God, why?
Jess had a most beautiful smile and looked so trendy and well throughout most of the Australian Story…she would have had trouble convincing those around her she was actually sick!
I was glad for Jess, that she met a man of Jason’s abilities to support her when she needed it most, her courage deserved nothing less. I hope Jason’s 7 year old daughter has understood the loss of Jess in her life. They have each other for strength.
Sincere thanks to all Jess’s family who supported her throughout. People with cancer need to be hugged often.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:55 am
I watched Australian Story last night, and I was dazzled and amazed at the character of Jess – what a dame!!!
Thank you for sharing and opening up – it was a real gift by Jess and the family. Despite the huge loss you would have all be feeling now and in the future, it is obvious that Jess had an enormous amount to give and share during her valuable life. the ripples will no doubt be felt (in a good way) for many many years to come.
thank you Jess
Cristina
April 15th, 2008 at 9:54 am
To Jason and Jess’s Family and friends,
i like many above never had the chance to watch ABC or Australian Story, but did read Jess’s story in That’s Life and have just sat with Brekky and have read the sad news of Jess’s passing, i am so truly sorry, with tears in my eyes for a life that was young but well lived and to have felt so much love for people and to have received so much love from others is juat amazing, her bravery has inspired me to strive for more and to let poeple into my life and not be afraid of them coming and going but to cherish the times we get to share with people that touch our hearts and souls so deeply,even if this just takes up a short meeting within our lives, my heart truly aches for you guys, i’m sorry for your loss of such a courageous young woman, hold onto your memories and let them guide you through this time of immense sadness. you are all in my thoughts every step of the way, Jason – take comfort – those you love will be reunited in eternity, magic happens when two heart become connected, and memories can never be erased, i am wishing you strengh and peace, and thinking of you and shed a tear though we cannot feel life’s losses without first feeling the blessings of it’s fullness, have hope in tomorrow and strengh in today and faith in the everlasting, and take comfort in the love of family and friends. may each day the happy memories n which you made together be what gets you up in the morning for a brand new day and may you be able to smile at these thoughts with happy tears instead of mourning with sad tears and look up and know she is with you every step of the way for the rest of your life and she will go on loving you for eternity, until you meet again, take care of your lives and enjoy what was and make them memories for what is yet to come.if for just a moment in my life that i could feel a part of the happiness that overwhelmed jess’s whole life, i would be extremely grateful.
thinking of you all
Kylie E Ballarat Vic 3350
April 15th, 2008 at 10:57 am
I cried last night. I cried for you, Jess. I didn’t know you, but I envied you all the same. I felt so guilty, because I have depression and often find myself not wanting to live, however, you had all these amazing aspirations that I take for granted.
I guess I wanted to apologise for all the selfish thoughts I’ve had….
You may not have had a choice in how your life ended, but now thatnks to you, I don’t want to control my death. Everytime I feel sad or lost, I will think of you and your dreams to have all the basic things a woman should have. A wedding, child, career, house, travel. And when things get too tough, I’ll remember that although you’re not here to enjoy them, maybe I can live out those dreams for you and appreciate theses simple pleasures for what they are.
Thank you for sharing your story Jess, you may have lost your fight, but you loss has only spurred me on to make the most of something I once took for granted. Thank you.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:56 am
What more can people say about you Jess?
You were, is and will always be a beautiful soul………GOD bless you!
April 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
I was very moved by Jessica’s story.
It is hard to realise she has gone such, a vibrant and loving person.
But aren’t we all the better for having been a small part in her life – those who sit and watch her story in the comfort of our living rooms.
We are touched forever by such a special person.
Love and condolensces to her husband and family.
April 15th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Dear Jason and family,
What a lucky family you are to have jess in your life even for such a short time, most of us never really live as Jess did right to the end.We all know we will die someday but its off in the future somewhere and we dont want to think about it. Jess had a wonderful spirit which will live on forever and a i sobbed at the end of australian story last nite.. I loved her saying “make every day count” and as we complain about silly unimportant things in our life I will think of Jess and the many more beautiful souls who didnt have a chance to live a long life.. love to you all
forever in our hearts is Jessica
christine gibson x x
April 15th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Dear Jason and all of Jess’s family and friends,
Purely by chance I noticed that Australian Story was on TV last night, so as I was working at home I decided to record the show. I didn’t have a clue what the storyline was going to be and who the episode would be about. I have just sat down and watched the show …. and I cannot express how pleased I am that I recorded and watched it.
What a beautiful, gifted, inspirational and wonderful young woman Jess was. A true gift to her family and to the world – and you must all be missing her so very very much.
I have a cousin in the UK who, at the tender age of 18, lost her long battle with cancer the day after Jess (24 March). She was so similar to Jess in so many ways. Watching Jess’s story has helped me with the recent loss of my cousin – her name was Olivia Leigh Barnes. Like Jess, Olivia’s smile could brighten even the dullest of days and she was more concerned for others than for herself. Like Jess, Olivia was brave and wonderful … and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that both her and Jess will meet in Heaven.
Thank you so much Jess and your family and friends for sharing your inspirational story with us all. I wish you all many wonderful days ahead as you remember your wife, daughter, sister, friend and your relation Jess and all those truly fantastic things about her. Let her, like Olivia, be a reminder to us all of just how precious life is and how the love of our families is such an important thing to hold on to forever.
And a special little message for Amy and for Jason … may everyone, in their lives, find a friend and also a soul mate like you both!
With my very best wishes,
Stella Cain – WA.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
I too was very moved by Jessica’s story. I happened across Australian Story last night and have been thinking of her all day.
Jess, you are an inspiration. What a strong, courageous woman you were. I only hope that when my time comes I can face death as bravely as you did.
My condolences to such a supportive and loving family.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
A couple of weeks ago, I went to choir practice, and on the notice board of the Church Hall in which we practice, I noticed the article from That’s Life. I had read the article in the Magazine, and there it was. Along with many photos of Jess and the Youth Group. The photos that touched me the most were those of her going through the waters of Baptism, and I knew then, that I will meet Jess in Heaven. Jess was a Christian, and knew that she was going to a place where she would never again suffer. I didn’t see Australian Story, but having read the article in That’s Life made me feel as if I knew her.
To Jason and the family, I pray that in your grief, you will also rejoice that Jess is now with the Lord, and could not be in a better place. No more suffering and no more pain.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I just saw the story on Jess and I wish I could say thankyou to Jess for giving me strenght I to have been told I have cancer and there is nothing that can be done. I have been given 2 to 3 years and with the support of my wife two daughters and the great staff at the hospital I will make the most of it Thankyou Jess for taking some of the fear away
April 15th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Dear Jason and Jess’s Family and friends,
My deepest and most heartfelt sympathy goes out to you all. I was very privileged to work with Jess briefly during our Graduate Program at the bank. Unfortunately I only learned of Jess’s ill health until it was too late to say goodbye.
From the short time I worked with Jess, I came to know that she was a kind and compassionate person. She could hold a conversation with anyone, and talk about anything. She was extremely intelligent and dedicated to her work.
Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. May the happy memories of your times with Jess fill you with joy during this this difficult time.
Craig, Adelaide SA.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:26 am
I never met you even though I am related distantly through your father. Yet, I feel I know you in everything that is special and beautiful in the universe.
And…….because of that, you’ll always be with us.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Dear Jason , Family & Friends
My heart truelly aches for you all. I read the story in That’s Life and was inspired by such an amazing beautiful woman in which Jess was, as a mother of four I can only pray that my children will grow to be beautiful people such as Jess. The sun will shine brighter and the stars will sparkle more now that Jess has entered heavens door
All my thoughts
Lucy
Tasmania
April 17th, 2008 at 10:04 am
To Jessica’s family, friends and to Jason,
I have just read That’s life and I have to say all I did was cry, but it was because the way Jessica told her story, unfortunatly alot of people take life for granted but Jessica was not one of these people we can all learn from Jessica and her beautiful story, She has a wanderful family and a wanderful husband in Jason and seems she had great friends she was very blessed to have you all, as you were all blessed to have such a beautiful daughter, wife, friend and step mother in Jessica. I am very sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you all. And to Jessica may you be suffering no more you truely are an inspiration to each and every one of us.
All my thoughts
Tracey
Tracey
April 17th, 2008 at 10:59 am
What a remarkable woman who glows with optimism. May Jess’s spirit continue to shine, she is truly an inspirational person who will be greatly missed and remembered for her absolute strength, courage and determination. XX
April 17th, 2008 at 6:16 pm
Hey Jason: just thought I’d drop you a line from New Zealand and let you know that my thoughts and the thoughts of many others are with you. Really inspirational reading Jess’s posts and the transcript of Australian Story.
God bless you and help you find strength
Cheers
Mim Hughes
Wairarapa, New Zealand
April 17th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Dear Jason and all of Jess’ Loved Ones,
My heart goes out to you at such a difficult time, when you lose a special person in your lives. I too read Jess’s story in thats life and am now sitting here with tears in my eyes.
Rest In Peace.
Take Care.
Savannah
April 18th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Thanks to Jess i have a new view on life.
I realised that we should be thankful for everyday we have and feel lucky to be surrounded by our loved ones at these difficult times.
I felt honoured to read her story in thats life so i cant imagine how you feel to have been with her every single day of her amazing life.
She was a truly beautiful person,inside and out and Jason and his daughter are the luckiest people alive.
I have tears in my eyes just writing this.
Jess you deserved to live much longer than 25 years but you made the most of every day you had so good on you.
Australia will miss having you
you made my year
lots of love, Lucy
April 19th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Truly inspirational posts. My heart goes out to Jason and Jess’ family.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
Unlike those above, I have watched the Australian Story trilogy for a different reason. Initially it was to keep informed as to how some of my past students were going (I use to teach at Mackay North SHS). When the second Australian Story was published I glowed with pride to see how much some of the students had achieved. But I was also shocked to hear Jessica was in remission. At this stage of the story I honestly felt that Jessica’s strength and faith would pull her through.
When the third Australian Story was published I honestly thought it was to be a story about how she had beaten all odds. She did beat all possibly odds but not the odds I originally thought. Jessica has achieved so much in her life. Many of us will take take forever to achieve as much as she has.
Jessica IS an amazing young lady. Everyone who has ever met Jessica has been touched by a very special and unique young lady. May she continue to touch everyone from the otherside.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
I know that she has passed on but I want to thank Jess for being the amazing, wise, beautiful person that she was and for having the courage to share her journey with us. I few so blessed to have been touched by her story.
To her dearest family and friends, THANK YOU also for sharing your most intimate feelings, experiences with us. It musn’t have been easy.
Wishing you all the very best.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
30 minutes was all it took to change my outlook on life. My deepest sympathies to Jason and Jessicas’ families. I’m not scared anymore.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What an inspiring, beauitiful girl, I couldn’t stop crying during her story being told on Australian Story, but crying with immense admiration for Jess for being so strong and loving knowing she was going to die.
May her Husband and Family have comfort and pride in knowing they had the most caring, loving and understanding young women in their lives for such a short time.
May Jess’s next life soar high in the arms of the ‘Great Spirit of the Universe’as her memories live on forever.
Love and light to all her Family and Friends….
April 19th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Smiling with glee
Happy to be
We gaze upon she….Jessica
Laughter galore
Surrounded her door
As we shared and cared for….Jessica
Bountiful love
Will remain with her Club….
Jason, Emily-bub, Mum, Dad and Dave and family
From all the friends that were made by….Jessica
Take care…
God Bless and keep you all safe
on your own journeys…
April 19th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
It is Jess’ fate that is also ours. We all will die. Yet if we can make a contribution to make others live better lives maybe we have a purpose for being here. Jess against the odds mustered not only the courage but the intellect and energy to tell her story. Thanks for sharing it in difficult times.
It can only improve the lives of others who come into contact with her story.
My son faces simular challengers.
Thank you to Jess and all who supported her.
Michael
April 19th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Thank you for sharing your story Jessica.. we have never spoken in the past.. maybe you won’t mind if I start now.
April 19th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I have just finished watching Australian story. Wkat an amazing,wonderful,brave, beautiful person Jess is.What an inspiration to live everday to its fullest. My heart goes out to her family in this sad time.
April 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Jessie was so amazing.
April 19th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
I watched the documentry today and i gained alot from what Jess had to say. It’s good to know that no question is too difficult to ask or discuss.
April 19th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
To Jason and Jess’s family,
I read about Jess in that’s life then watched this amazing girl today on Australian story. Jess was so brave and a wonderful inspiration, she taught me to enjoy every day and be grateful for the life we have.
My thoughts are with all your family.
xxx
April 19th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Julia
We shared some classes, we graduated together from CQU in 2000 (I will always remember the congratulatory message Jess wrote for her ‘Mama’ in the Daily Mercury that day) and our kids all went to North High. Nadia knew Jess, Kat knew Ben and now I teach at North High. My heart broke when the principal informed us in a staff meeting (Monday April 14th) that Jess had died. I will not say that Jess ‘lost the battle’. She did not. She has left a legacy that will remain a treasured resource. I am beginning to share Jess’s journey via ‘The Australian Story’, and her website and blogs, with my English students at North High. Thank you, Jess and our thoughts are with you and your family, Julia.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
What an amazing woman, a blessed soul to us all, thank you so much.You leave such a wonderful legacy to us all.You have touched many a person Jessica. We can all learn from your spirited fight. Rest in peace…….
April 20th, 2008 at 11:51 am
I trust that you are now at peace with our Heavenly Father, and know that even though your life was short, it has touched and will continue to touch so many people, most that you never even met. Thankyou and praise God.
April 20th, 2008 at 11:56 am
I’ve just finished reading Jess’ last blog and
am in tears. I am 33 years old and have
terminal metastatic colorectal cancer. I have
had numerous surgeries and rounds of chemo. I
spent most of 2007 in and out of hospitals. My
latest prognosis is I have 2 years left at
best. Jess’ story struck such a chord with me
as I really don’t know anyone else in my life
in a similar situation to me. I thank you Jess
for sharing your story and setting up this site
to help others out there who are just as young
and beautiful who also have a terminal illness.
It helps to know I’m not alone.
Thank you…
April 20th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Wow, what an honour and privilege to get a good reality slap around the lugs from such an angel of the Lord.
My eldest daughter Katie faced similar challenges some 9 years ago now, they did an Australian Story on her as well as she showed incredible strength and acceptance supported by an unwavering faith.
Jess reminded me of how we should aspire to be compassionate, loving and giving no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in.
Some might see a life cut short, yet when I see a life such as Katie’s and Jess’s which were so rich, so inspiring to so many, so incredibly selfless and giving, so BRAVE and so impacting to 100’s maybe 1000’s of people….I think their lifes work was done.
I believe such special people are amongst us for very specific reasons and they fulfill these tasks and they are taken home to rest.
I totally agree with Jess, what a wonderful beautiful spirit she was and still is….”it isn’t how long you live, it is how you live along the way”
God bless xoxo
April 20th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
To Jessica’s Family
I am so saddened for you all. Here we have just another example of that old saying ‘only the good die young’.
My thoughts are with you all at this difficult time.
To Ben –
It’s been a while since we last communicated – probably 5 or 6 months. When we did speak at this time you shared some of your feelings and thoughts with me.
I know you probably have many other shoulders to cry on, and hands to hold, but still – I wanted to let you know that despite the physical distance between us, I am always here if you need a shoulder, a hand or just some time out.
Afterall, that’s what friends are for.
With love,
Christine P
April 21st, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Hey there Jason and Jess’s many other loved ones,
. What a rascal.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ve found Jess’s amazing attitude such an inspiration. I’ve stuck the ‘10 best things about having cancer’ list up in my workspace, to remind me of how powerfully we can choose to be positive and in love with life. And cos it makes me laugh out loud
And what a special lady, to be inspiring strangers like me! Now that’s what I call living on.
xx
April 21st, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Dear Jason, Mama, family, friends and fellow ‘dying for beginners’ visitors
Where would people be without memories, communication, self expression, compassion, emotion and the security and understanding of websites like Jessica’s.
I received a booklet “A journey lived”, a collection of personal stories from carers, published by Palliative Care Australia. ( I attended a seminar in 2005 when I was at University studying Nursing. I have a particular interest in palliative care, empowerment and the right for people to die with dignity, respect and love.
I want to share with you a piece of writing from that booklet, by a 25 year old man diagnosed with bowel cancer 7 years ago and has since passed away
“on the road to dying”
by Alex Collins
“The pros of knowing that you are going to die:
Getting to say goodbye to everyone.
Tell people how much you care about them.
How you get to build bridges.
Inspire people.
Encourage people to love one another.
To recognise deep long-standing friendships.
To feel good about the life you have lived.
It makes me feel special.
I believe that my soul and spirit will be released.
but I will have no conscious thought, and
therefore I won’t be looking back wishing that
I was doing things that others were doing, which
allows me not to be so sad now. Others are thinking
about me as a parent and realising all of the
moments I will miss out on, but I will not miss
them because I will not be here.
However if my wife, family or friends want
me to be with them, I still can and will be,
on a spiritual level.”
An emotive piece of work, the epitome of acceptance perhaps.
Is that what Jessica’s ‘10 best things about having cancer’reflect? End of life decisions . . . . . . . .
Those we have laughed with, learned from, leaned on and loved most leave us the very best of memories.
Fondest thoughts and very best wishes to all
Annette XX
“Laugh out loud” its great therapy!!
April 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Hi Jason
You dont no me and neither did Jessica but reading her diary taught me something. That life is worth living fully and not half heartedly. Because it just slips away from you. It broke my heart when i looked in the latest issue if Thats Life and read that she had died shortly after the issue with her story was printed.
my thoughts are with you awlays and froever
Love Megan
April 23rd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Jason, may I extend to you, and all of Jessica’s family, my warm condolences. While watching “Australian Story”, telling of her journey living with her illness, I prayed that our loving God received her gentle soul to Himself the very moment she accepted His will for her. What an inspiration she is to ALL of us who are still travelling towards our eternal home; I hope that I will try even more earnestly to accept whatever God places in my path in the future.
I am 72 years of age,and in good health,thank God. Watching Jessica’s journey helped me even more than before to accept the passing of my son, John Matthew, on 19th February, 1990, aged 22years. To this day, despite an extensive Coroner’s inquest, and an enduring search for answers as to the cause of his death, nothing has been conclusive. However, my faith in God’s providence makes up for that lack of information, and I am uplifted by that faith every day.
I pray that God will sustain you and yours as you grieve Jessica’passing from you in body, and that your faith will constantly remind you that she is now resting in peace with God, waiting for us all to be reunited with her when He calls each of us to Himself.
Kind regards,
John.
April 29th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Dear Jess,
As much as I write this to your loved ones, I know you will hear my words. Thank you for being you! So brave, so human, so loving and wise. So happy!! I am about to embark on a trip of my lifetime to Europe and I will carry you in my heart and share my travels with you. Dearest Jason, Emily and all Jess’s family, I am sorry for your pain and loss. How blessed you all are to have had such a beautiful soul enrich your lives. Her legacy will live on in many of us now in the teaching of Jess’s journey. To Jess, I pledge to enjoy the journey along the way and not wait till I get there! In that, I hope your family finds some peace in knowing that your message is received by many as it should. Be kind to yourselves, love yourselves and cherish your memories. Thank you Jess for unselfishly sharing your journey so that those of us that may take life for granted learn the lesson you have so elequently taught. May god bless you all. Jess, may your spirit soar free, you truly are an angel on earth as in heaven.
With much love and compassion.
Monique xox
April 29th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I too read Jessica’s story in Thats Life magazine; something I read every week. Of all the stories I read in there, few stick in my head; but even many weeks after the story was published, I still find myself thinking of her.
Although I never knew Jess, she seems one of the most remarkable, caring and brave people I have ever known about, and her husband and family must miss her greatly. Although it may seem cliched, you were all lucky to have had a person like Jess in your lives, even if it was only for a short amount of time. I know how much she has touched my life, and I never even met her.
I know you have probably received many comments like this, but I hope Jason and Jess’ family all know that our thoughts and prayers are with them; a person as extraordinary as Jess could never truly be forgotten.
Sam, Canberra ACT
XOXOX
May 1st, 2008 at 10:00 am
As one who is also dying from lung cancer although somewhat older at 56, I would like to honour Jess – her loving light spread over all her friends, family and anyone who heard of her or came into contact with her.
Life is such a gift – and I love how she lived it fully and lovingly. That, indeed, is what it is all about.
Lest we forget.
Liz, Brisbane, QLD
May 1st, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I am also an avid reader of That’s Life, and I’m glad I am. It led me here.
I’m a writer, and I have such a verbose vocabulary, but I cannot find the words to express how I feel. I cannot find any words to offer strength to Jessica’s family and her husband. I wish I could, but all I can offer is an Internet *hugs* and good wishes from all the way up here in Darwin.
Jess, you were a brave and inspirational person. You will never be forgotten. You touched far too many lives to ever be forgotten.
With love, compassion and hope,
Dimruthien
(Darwin, NT)
May 5th, 2008 at 12:22 am
to jason and family,
i read jessis story on thats life a while ago and im sorry that her life endd so soon. such a loveing person taken out of this world to young. im 23 with a 2yr child and if i can bring half as much love into the world that she has i will be happy. im so so sorry for your loss. reaing aout you wife/ daughter has made me re think life and how quickly it can ened and just take it one day at a time. sorry once again.
be safeand god bless
Sarah
May 6th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
my god. what a glorious ,corageous, woman. Jess has taught so many to be grateful for their lives. i cannot even think of anything else to say. i am gobsmacked! what a woman!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
To Jess’s Loving Family and Friends,
Having watched Jess’s inspiring, beautiful life and sad passing portrayed on Australian Story last month I have only just gathered the courage to write to express my deepest sympathies for you. This website alone stands as a testament to all those hearts Jess managed to touch and will continue to touch even after her passing.
I especially wanted to express my gratitude to Jess for providing this forum as it provides those of us who have lost someone close to gain strength from her strength. My sister lost her husband to cancer about four years ago at the age of 30 and I remember their distress at the lack of an appropriate support group or other forum to talk about the emotional issues associated with terminal illnesses. They made the mistake of going to a cancer support group made up of non-terminally ill cancer patients who, at learning of my bother-in-laws multiple tumours throughout his body – including 2 inoperable brain tumours, could not offer the level of support that my sister and her husband needed. For Jess to have courage to create such a unique forum such as this, I give thanks.
In my family we have a bit of a tradition, when we say goodbye to loved ones after they have stopped by for a visit, we each wave tissues above our heads until we are both out of sight. Our neighbours probably think this is a bit strange, but personally I like to think that even though they are out of sight they are still waving those tissues, thinking about us. To Jason, Emily and your family and friends, wave those tissues high as Jess is not out of sight, she lives on in all of us.
Kindest regards,
Steve & Family
July 16th, 2008 at 7:52 am
Hi Jason,
We’ve never met or anything but around this time last year I made a documentary in which I interviewed the beautiful Jessica. I’m not sure if you’ve seen it or if she showed it to you but it was titled “Hair”. Well I’ve entered it into film festivals and finally it is up for 4 nominations and there will a public screening of the nominations including “Hair”. I would like to invite yourself and your daughter to the public screenings which is held on Saturday 2nd August at the Regent Cinemas at 4pm. (There are 2 sessions, 2pm and 4pm). Tickets are $8 and will go on sale after this Friday (18/07) from the Regent or from the website
http://www.pftc.com.au/pftc/festivals/content.asp?pageid=71&top=
Please also extend my invitations to Jessica’s parents as I don’t know how to get in touch with them.
If you require anymore information please send me an email anytime.
Thank you very much.
Jacinta
August 9th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Hi Jason, and Jess’ Mama, Daddy and extended family,
I’ve just reread the beautiful and brave Jess’ blogs. I hope & pray that you are all getting through your grief in a healthy way. Thank you Jason for sharing the final blog from Jess. Her openess and ability to write her thoughts so eloquently will help and heal many people for a long time to come.
I wish you all well on the remainder of your individual journeys,
love Toria
December 27th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I’d like to leave a message for Amy….. Among the other special, wonderful people Jess was fortunate enough to have in her life, I think you are just so amazing. Jess was lucky to have you as her best friend and if I ever had a best mate half as varing and compassionate as you, I think myself to be the most fortunate person in the world. I was particularly touched watching your farewell on Australian Story. I have a sense that the adventures you sought and experienced were shared by Jess as well, in the sense that you were doing this FOR her, but also in the sense that our loved ones only get closer to us after they pass away. I truly believe this.
October 5th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
Wow…I came on the internet hoping to find something close to answers..I’ve been suffering serious panic attacks lately due to just about everything. I think we all struggle to come to terms with mortality, I know I do, and I am in great health physically. I feel completely humbled by reading how Jess just didn’t stop doing things. I can’t even find words that sound classy enough to write on here. I am doing some serious soul-searching and I could not hope for anything more right now than to have the absolute inner-peace, tranquility, and ‘that’s how it is!’ nature she seems to have. My best friend took me to the beach yesterday to give me a ‘day off’ from anxiety. I was talking to her about the meaning of life, what comes after ‘life’ as we know it, and the fact that I hate not having answers. I guess it doesn’t matter, because whatever has brought me to this website in my time of emotional need, has made me feel better. One thing my friend said to me yesterday was “but, we don’t need to know what comes next. Some things we’re just not meant to know”. We lost Poppy (grandad) due to cancer in 2007. I never can shake how accepting and grateful for everything that exhisted he simply was. Nature can do some cruel things to us, but unfortunately nature doesn’t equip us to accept them, which is a strange irony. Not all of us anyway. You wonderful woman Jess, I wish the entire world could live with such reassurance and BEAUTY. Clearly your faith that everything will work itself out is something most of the world needs. To just live. I feel like I am just glowing with love for someone I have never even met xoxoxoxoxox