Dying For Beginners

Hello all,

On one hand, I don’t want to write this post because it’s morbid and silly to. On the other hand, life is unpredictable, and if things do go not according to plan, I want to have said all that I will say here. Jason knows it’s here, and will post it if necessary.
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So this is is that post - or probably will be. I am in hospital in Mackay - the palliative care hospital. As you know I had pneumonia in January. I never recovered from the water in my lungs. So this may be the final or close to final post I write.
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Life is crazy. My brain is crazy. Everything is crazy. I am assured that if I was ‘normal’ (stupid word) and there wasn’t all this painkiller and stuff cruising through my brain, that things would not seem so overwhelming. Meanwhile, I have a new cordless mouse and cordless keyboard which makes typing so much easier that I feel like I must write a blog.
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I have had a week from hell. That sounds melodramatic but it was the first time I seriously contemplated bringing all my loved ones to Brisbane to say goodbye.
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Okay, I’ve just broken the first rule of blogging - blog often. But it’s been a very strange couple of weeks.

We have got the painkiller levels right - which means no more (or at least much less) Parallel Universe. Unfortunately the levels are still high enough that I fall asleep if I remain in the same position for longer than two minutes (car, bus, church…) Thankfully Ian understands that I spend his sermons with my eyes closed in prayer and would not dream of sleeping during the service
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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. We are on a treatment plan to control the pain - pump Jessie full of painkillers then gradually bring them down and see how the pain reacts. Which means that I have been incredibly monstrously stoned for the past week or two. I thought I would give you a glimpse into the world that I have been living in… The Parallel Universe (PU) appears any time that I close my eyes for longer than two seconds and I am continually dopey and groggy and seeing this PU that I don’t think is there…
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A thought today, no real information about how I am (not too bad, thanks for asking. Plodding along).

We went to a movie on Sunday, Jason, Em and I. We wanted to see the Water Horse but it wasn’t at a suitable time so Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium was the one chosen.
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And you get pneumonia.

On Wednesday the pain was unbearable, the nausea terrible and I had a temperature. Time to go in to HOCA. In a display of superb timing, my doctor is on holidays and this also happens to be the week-long window that I have to get medical certificates from my doctors to continue receiving TTD benefits.
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Conversation between Mr and Mrs Horton today:

Mrs Horton: “Darling, your wife waddles.”
Mr Horton: “That’s okay, I don’t mind. As long as she doesn’t yodel.”***
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By the simple expedient of doubling my pain killers, I am feeling so much better. I think the problem was that I was using old patches that no longer had any potency. It has made me realise just how much background pain I would be in if I wasn’t taking pain killers.
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