Comments on: Brave Battle With Cancer?

By: Katherine

Katherine — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 23:31:30 +0000

I’ve never had a life-threatening disease, but I have a condition which impairs my hearing and will impair my vision. While I understand this is far lower-key than death that doesn’t stop me feeling this is at least somewhat relevant to my situation, because I often find myself feeling irked when people tell me how ‘brave’ I am for not falling down and crumbling because of it.

The reason? I’m not being brave. I didn’t stand up and say, ‘Give me that disease!’ or anything like that. It’s not like I ASKED to have it, and so… I don’t think it’s bravery, to deal with a disease. If anything, if I was trying to keep my head held high about it when really I was dying inside, that’d be stupidity more than braveness – nobody’s going to feel less of me if I break down once or twice over it, nobody’s going to look at me and decide I’m a faliure. But telling people to ‘be brave’ encourages just that: pretend everything’s fine all the time, be the constant smiling face, pretend there’s never a moment in your life when you think ‘I wish it wasn’t like this’. And no matter how minor or severe your illness or condition is, there are always going to be moments when you think that, and wish that.

But, that’s the thing to admire about these people – they DON’T spend their life thinking about how they wish it wasn’t like that. Somehow, in the worst odds, that’s when people sit back and accept it, and decide it isn’t as bad as people say it is after all. One of the most inspirational people I met was a man dying of cancer in his 40s, and this man I only ever met once. Just out – walking his dog. A friendly, ordinary, kind man who smiled and chatted calmly with a teenage kid about his cancer and how long he had left to live. He wasn’t panicked, or avoidant. He had dignity, and acceptance. He wasn’t all glorious, describing how he’d fight the disease to the end, ranting in passionate phrases how he would be unafraid of the death to come. And nobody should feel like they have to be that way. He just held onto his humanity and sanity, throughout it all. That’s what matters.

So, good going, Jessica. I’d gladly contribute towards your effort in changing the words that people use.

By: Jeff Dennis

Jeff Dennis — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 03:22:55 +0000

Jason,
I`ve just watched the rerun of the Australian Story about Jess.I lost my only child Tess with a similar cancer [small round cell]in 2002 at the same age of 24yrs[01-01-78 to 16-06-02],she too went to the Mater Hospital in Brisbane.Tess & Jess shared a lot of things in common like wanting to travel etc,some of the pictures, expressions and word`s of Jess reminded me so much of Tess.Being her carer I know better than most what you went through especially in the final day`s,only Tess died at her home but also with dignity.Life will never be the same again for either of us,all we can do is live the life`s they would want us too.

By: Howard D

Howard D — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:21:13 +0000

I’ve read all that precedes. Thank you for the insights. I will do my best to advance Jason’s hope that ‘dignity’ catches on.

May I ask the board’s opinion as to whether ‘courage’ and ’strong’ fit broadly into the same category as ‘brave’?

By: Mike T

Mike T — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 01:23:38 +0000

Dignity. That works.

By: Lorraine

Lorraine — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:08:30 +0000

Jason,
thank you for opening this discussion. I do think that my son Silas was extremely brave, but felt that was who he was in life. As a journalism major, he asked the tough questions to political candidates, and told his fellow student Amy to “be brave” as she ventured forward. But I just don’t like that there is no right word for people who don’t survive their cancer. Dignity is a good word ~ in fact, when my friend Marina, who is a nurse and became close to Silas as she helped him through medical issues at home, spoke at Sy’s “celebration of life” ceremony, she said that Silas did the ultimate thing we all strive to do, “he died with dignity.” Your Jessica is so beautiful ~ what a gift to have had her in your life. It just sucks to have these wonderful people taken by this horrible disease. I won’t tell you to “be brave”, people tell me that I am stronger than I think, and I feel like it is a bad joke….. But take care, as best as you can

By: Jason

Jason — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 10:17:01 +0000

Charles, you are to be congratulated for standing up to them at what is a very difficult time. It would have been understandable if you gave up – but you didn’t. Hopefully some of the media’s mis-use of death will be improved as more people like you make a difference.

By: Charles Scott

Charles Scott — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 08:57:58 +0000

I am glad you have laid to rest this old cliché. However I came across a problem with my local newspaper which refused to allow my wife’s death notice to mention the word cancer. I would be permitted to say she died after a long illness but not to mention the word cancer. Their reason was they were a family newspaper and the death notices could be read by children. They changed their mind pretty quickly when I threatened them with exposure of this censorship in the national papers. Also my wife died the day following Pavarotti which in the self same newspapre was announced as “after a long battle with cancer”

By: Angela C

Angela C — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 08:03:50 +0000

Dignity. Very appropriate – for both of you.

By: Chris Lewis

Chris Lewis — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 07:48:35 +0000

Jason, I amended the entry related to Jessica on my blog as you requested. It now reads “who died as she lived facing her illness and living her life to the end with dignity.”

I hope this reflects Jessica’s and your wishes a little more accurately.

Best wishes.